The Stars Are Not Wanted
by coffeeinanebula
Summary: WARNING: Major character death. "The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good." -Funeral Blues, WH Auden


After his heart attack outside her office, they had a good few years. He cut back his hours and retired a year later. She continued working before deciding she valued time with him more than anything else. Their pensions would be enough to enough to support them and she would own the condo completely in just a few more years. It wasn't until after she retired that she began to notice the change in him. Simple things at first.

 _"Have you seen my glasses?"_

 _"Where did I set my cup?"_

 _"When is my doctor's appointment?"_

 _"Sharon, I don't know where I am."_

She watched his mind slip further and further away from him and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She helped him where she could, always making sure he never left the house with someone. Until it reached a point where he didn't know where home was anymore, when he would leave while she was asleep at night in search of home. It broke Sharon's heart to move him into a nursing home, but she knew he needed the 24/7 attention that she couldn't provide for him. It broke her heart to return to an empty condo once again, something she had hoped would never happen again after she had fallen in love with Andy.

She spent as much time as she could with him, always bringing pictures and memories. She knew his kids visited at least once a week, trying to keep his memory as strong as they could. Sometimes he recognized his kids, sometimes he didn't. Sometimes he recognized Sharon, sometimes he recognized her and didn't remember them. It was worse, she thought, when she would walk in to be greeted by a previous version of Andy. One that glared and laced his tone with sarcasm as he greeted her. That was always the rarer occurrence, but it still hurt.

She always took a moment outside his door to compose herself, to smooth out the hair she had given up on dyeing and to adjust her glasses. She never knew what was waiting for her, but she always hoped for the best before she stepped inside.

"Sharon!" The joy and recognition in his face as he looked up from the baseball game made her heart soar and a smile to lift her lips.

"Hi, honey," she said softly. She left her purse on the counter and slipped out of her shoes before crossing the room to his favorite chair. She leaned over and kissed him softly before sitting in the chair beside him, lacing their fingers together. "How have you been?"

He wrinkled his nose and drew her hand to his lips to press a gentle kiss on her knuckles. "Have I told you how awful the food is here? I wish they'd just let me cook. Maybe George next door would've stuck around longer if I cooked."

"I thought you didn't like George."

"I don't. But arguing with him gave me something to do all day." He chuckled and grinned, pulling her hand closer to it rested on his thigh.

"Well, I brought you those books you asked for. Hopefully they'll help your boredom." She smiled and curled up in the chair so she could lean against him, her thumb rubbing along the back of his hand.

"Books?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"When I was here a few days ago, you gave me a list of books to bring you," she explained patiently. She left out the horrible things he had said before that. If he didn't remember, she wasn't going to remind him.

"Oh, thank you."

She knew he was frustrated by the things he couldn't remember and she quickly kissed his cheek to draw him back to her. "Who's winning?"

It took him a moment to collect his wayward thoughts and look at the tv. "Dodgers are; they've led the entire game. Do you want to watch something else?"

She shook her head and managed a weak, quiet laugh. "I'd love to watch our team win. Why don't we move to the bed so you can hold me while we watch?"

"God, I'd love to." He stood up, pressing his free hand to his back as he groaned softly. He turned to her and helped her up anyway, their hands still clasped as he led her to his bed across the room.

She curled up with her back pressed against his chest and his arm tightly wrapped around her waist with their fingers intertwined on her hip. She couldn't remember the last time he had had a day good enough that they could lay like this. She had missed it and she felt tears trying to overflow in her eyes as she squeezed his hand and watched the game.

"I love you," she murmured when the tears faded enough and she could swallow around the lump in her throat.

"I love you too, honey," he whispered back, his arm tightening around her waist.

They were quiet through the rest of the game and she was surprised when he didn't even acknowledge the Dodgers winning. Assuming he fell asleep, she turned to kiss his forehead. When he still didn't stir, she looked at him closer and saw that his chest wasn't moving. Her heart slammed into her throat as she sat up, fingers fumbling to find a pulse on his neck.

"No... Andy, please." She reached down his arm to check for a pulse on his wrist, but couldn't find one there either. "Honey... Andy... please." She reached for the rope to call a nurse with a shaky hand, her other hand clinging tightly to Andy's. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

She clung to his hand and laid back against him, her head on his still chest as tears suddenly overwhelmed her. She held him close, even after a nurse entered the room and quickly realized what was going on. Sharon held to him for several more moments until more nurses arrived and gently pulled her back, helping her to sit in his chair while the sobs continued to shake her body, unable to look away from him.

In the back of her mind, she knew she needed to call his kids. She needed to call her kids and Provenza and probably his ex-wife. But all she could do was watch and silently beg and pray for him to come back to her.

Before the nurses escorted her from the room, she hurried back to his side. She leaned and kissed him one more time, kissed each cheek and his forehead. She left a few tears on his face that she gently wiped away before slipped his sobriety ring from his finger and tightly holding it in her hand. She followed a nurse from the room, still shaking and sobbing.

"He had a good day," she managed. The nurse was familiar, Andy's normal daytime nurse. She couldn't recall her name. "He... God, he remembered me. He was almost normal."

"Sometimes they have really good days towards the end," the nurse replied gently, resting her hand on Sharon's arm. "Do you need someone to drive you home?"

"I..." She held on tighter to Andy's ring and swallowed, her eyes closing briefly. "I'll call my son. Can I stay with Andy until he gets here? Please?"

The nurse hesitated a moment and then nodded. "Of course. The coroner will be in contact later for funeral arrangements."

"Thank you." She turned away from the nurse and quickly walked back to Andy's room.

Without hesitating, she curled back up in bed beside him, this time wrapping her arm around him. Her head rested on his chest and she held him close as her tears left damp spots on his shirt. She had no words as she laid there, simply trying to memorize everything about him since she'd never hold him again.

"I love you."


End file.
